so i was thinking the other morning, as i looked into the mirror, that wasn't it ironic that the mirror had now become my enemy?  i can't stand looking in the mirror.  then i thought, "is the mirror my only enemy?"  then i made a mental list.

1.  the mirror

2.  the wind. (i think the wind could be enemy #1)

3.  the shower

4. bright lights

5.  the rain

i never knew i would have so many enemies.  it's ridiculous.

as i was just sitting here, i got to thinking.  "i wonder how many of the ladies here are able to openly discuss their hair loss with family and friends?"  i got to thinking about this because just last evening i was talking to a really good friend of mine.  i feel we have shared practically everything with each other.  when one of us is going thru a tough time, the other one knows. but recently we have started to drift apart only talking to each other every couple of weeks, whereas before we talked every single day.  so as I was on the phone with my friend, and she was asking what i have been up to, i found myself unable to share about my hair loss.  It's still relatively early in the hair loss horror for me, and i'm able to f ix my hair and "hide" any thin spots.  I know the spots are there, but so far, it doesn't seem to be noticeable to anyone else.  i've only talked to my mom and hubby about my hair, along with the few doctors that i went to.  everyone else i have shut out about this, as I feel telling anyone else at this point, is only going to make them focus on my hair.  and I sure don't want that!!!!  so, how open is everyone here about their hair problems?

I went to a doctor the other day, and he said to me.... "if you have one hair on your head, is that too many or too less?"  I said, "too less"

He said, "If you have one hair in your soup, is that too many or too less?"  I said "too many."   So basically what he is saying, it's all relative to how I think. It's up to me how i choose to see it.  It's a hard concept to grasp though when it comes to losing my hair... my identity.

As i sit here locked in the bedroom, while hubby watches tv, I find myself spending more and time trying to research ANYTHING that has to do with hair loss, remedies, reasons, ANYTHING that may help me help myself.

I DON'T want to become obsessed with this.  If I knew that the hairloss would ease up some, that I'll be left with some decent hair on my head, I would be able to relax a little bit.  But not knowing how much I am going to lose, how many more months or years this is going to continue, is causing me anguish.  I find myself resorting to looking for alternative treatments, such as accupuncture.   Has anyone here ever tried something like that? 

And I'm pissed that the general practictioner that I saw in December, and the dermatologist that I saw in January basically just said "use rogaine".  I don't want to use freaking rogaine.  I don't even know WHY my hair is falling out, and here they are giving the easy answer.  "rogaine, rogaine, rogaine."  I want tests!!  I so was mad when I went to the dermatologist this week,. I felt I was WAY better equipped with information than when I went to a general practioner in December.  I had visited the American Hair Loss Association, and had printed off the tests that they recommend having done.  Checking hormone levels, iron, etc, etc.  When i had barely got my butt planted on the examine table, and she said, "well I recommend rogaine", I pulled out my paper, and said,  "shouldn't I have a few tests done first?"  She says, "whose advice do you want to take?  that piece of papers, or mine?"   I was FURIOUS.  I said, "well I will continue to take the multi-vitamin and the biotin that you recommend, but I am going to hold off on the rogaine."  She said, 'well we will evaluate your situation in 3 months, and if you don't want to be proactive and start the rogaine, that is your choice." 

I feel that using rogaine is going to tie me to that freaking product for the rest of my life.  From what I have read, I will lose MORE hair the first 2 weeks, (which i do not want to do), and if I stop using that product, then I will lose any hair that I was supposed to lose while using that product.  I want tests first, to find out if anything is out of balance.  I don't think that is asking too much.

And getting appointments at least for me is NO easy task.  There is basically no one in this area, so not only am I left to travel, but a lot of the times they are not accepting new patients OR the wait list for an appt is 3 or 4 months long!!!  I feel I don't have 3 or 4 months to just wait idly by while each and every day that passes more and more hair is going down the drain.

I'm done venting for the night.  Thanks for the place to do so.