I have read many posts on the network related to the grief that we all experience when we realize that we are losing our hair. In nursing school we studied the stages of grief, but that was eighteen years ago and I know I need to refresh my memory. I also need to explore in my mind how these stages apply to hair loss, and use it to help me understand the emotions that I go through every day.

There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage, the process of grieving is incomplete and there can be no healing. A grieving person must work their way through all five stages in order to heal. There is no set period of time that it takes to complete each stage, it is entirely dependent on the individual and the level of grief. Most grieving people do not complete steps one through five and go on with life without occasionally sliding back a step or two along the way. How we each work through the grief that we are feeling differs, but the stages are the same with each person.

1. Denial- That feeling of "this can't be happening to me" that we all felt the first time we noticed clumps of hair in the drain. I still feel this one when I see a photo of myself in bright sunlight. "That's not MY hair"!

2. Anger- "Why me"? I think I have a tendency to reflect this emotion most on physicians and the medical community. Why is it so difficult to find a doctor who understands how devastating this is? Why does it take so long to find your way to someone who can tell you what is wrong? Why haven't they tried harder to find a solution to this? But there is also the anger I feel towards a society that can accept that a man with a shaved head is sexy, but a bald woman must be diseased.

3. Bargaining- Begging, wishing or praying for your hair to come back. Attempting to make deals with your "higher power". I know that I have tried to cut many deals with God regarding all the things in my life that I will change or give up if I can just get my "real" hair back.

4. Depression- Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning, and loss. I think this one can be the easiest to slip back into. I fight it off as much as possible, but some days it's almost impossible to resist. I have read a lot of postings regarding the intense feelings of depression that many of us have experienced.

5. Acceptance- There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. Accepting the loss is not the same as bearing it quietly. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss and finding comfort and healing is a sign of acceptance. The goals turn towards personal growth in this stage. Acceptance for hair loss sufferers might mean different things to different people. For one it may be finding a new treatment to regrow hair lost, for another person it could be coming to terms with the idea that while the hair may never be like it was before they can prevent further shed, and for someone else it might even be the realization that the best choice for them is to shave their head.

To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive...human. But we can't stop living because we are grieving. Allowing ourselves to work through this process is extremely important for our own mental well-being. Don't let others make you feel guilty for grieving this loss. No, it's not an illness that will take your life. But for many of us our hair loss is a terminal condition that we may deal with for the rest of our lives. Do you see yourself somewhere in the description of the five stages? The good news is that we are not alone in our feelings, emotions, and experiences. There are others here on the network who are experiencing the same grief. (Thanks again Y~ for such putting together such a great place for us to reach out!)

Jan 2006

Complete Blood Count
WBC                                 5.3
RBC                                 4.92
HGB                               13.5
HCT                                40

Ferritin                           45

Insulin                           15.4

Fasting glucose           88
2 Hr Glucose              170

HgA1c                               5.5

Apr 2006

Complete Blood Count
WBC                                4.7
RBC                                4.64
HGB                              13.1
HCT                               38.1

Sep 2006

DHEA-S                       89
DHEA serum                2.8
Testosterone              30
Free Testosterone      1.0
TSH                                2.34
Free T4                          0.8

I haven't had any more blood work done since September 2006 because I got tired of hearing that there was nothing wrong with me! I am planning on trying a new tact when I go in for my annual exam this year. I am going to take in copies of articles that correlate female hair loss with low iron levels. My ferritin level was 45 which is a "normal" value, but if the researchers are saying that it needs to be >70 for regrowth then my doctor needs to be aware of this. If our physicians don't know enough about female hair loss, then it is up to us to bring them up to speed!

Who knew that changing the way I eat certain foods would bring me key insight into myself? In the last week I have discovered that I have very little patience for delayed gratification when it comes to the subject of my blood sugar. I have always known that if I wait too long to eat that I will start to feel shaky, light headed and get the cold sweats. (I call it a "Feed me NOW" episode.) It's a horrible feeling, but I also have programmmed myself to reach for processed carbs (cookies, soft breads, potatoes) to make that bad feeling go away quickly. That lovely high spike in my blood sugar definitely worked to make the shaky, sweaty feeling go away quickly, but then would leave me feeling as if I needed to take a nice long nap about an hour later.

The second day after making the switch to low GI eating, I discovered that waiting too long to eat is no longer going to be a good option for me. I waited until I got shaky before eating lunch, then ate my low GI meal of a spinach salad with vinagrette dressing, chicken breast, red peppers... it was SO yummy! But it didn't give me the sugar rush that immediately fixes my shakes. In fact, 30 minutes later I was still waiting for that rush. It took about an hour and a half to finally stop feeling light headed and shaky.

I have known for many years that every diet guru in the world recommends eating 6 small meals everyday instead of 3 large meals. This has always been difficult for me because when I work my 12 hour shifts I am lucky to get one lunch break... to get several breaks is pretty much out of the question.

So I am trying some new approaches to fix this problem. On my days off I make certain that I have good low GI snacks (almonds, dried mango, fruits) available to graze on throughout the day. I have also started taking snack size ziploc bags to work filled with the same snacks. I put them in my scrub coat pockets and nibble when I am sitting at the computer to chart. So far I have done OK until about 3:00 in the afternoon. It tends to be a busier part of the shift, and it's more difficult to remember to take a break. By 4:00 or 5:00 pm I (optimistically) start thinking "Why nibble now, I'll be eating dinner soon." So I get off of work between 6:30 and 7:00 pm, and by the time I get home and prepare dinner I am starving!

This whole first week has been trial and error, figuring out how this is all going to make me feel and how to respond. I really like the fact that as I am learning how to keep my blood sugar and insulin response on more of a steady level that I am no longer having to experience the shaky, sweaty feeling of having a very low blood sugar.

I still miss baked goods like cookies and cakes, but I have also rediscovered the joys of Nutella (a low GI food). This stuff is amazing with bananas, on toast made from sprouted grain bread... and by the spoonful! And I have also discovered that If I can keep my blood sugar on an even keel that I don't tend to crave those high GI carbs quite as much.

Last night my hubby took us to our local Olive Garden for dinner. I had the most amazing meal that I have had in months, and it was low GI! I started with salad with Italian dressing (and just said "No" to those yummy, fluffy, garlic breadsticks). Then I ordered the grilled skewers with chicken, and pasta instead of those tempting Tuscan potatoes. The roasted peppers and onions along with the yummy squash and zucchini were perfect with my chicken and pasta. Of course I added the perfect glass of red wine (but only to help lower the GI of my meal ;o) I actually found myself putting down my fork after each bite and simply enjoying the flavor of the food in my mouth as I chewed. By the time I finished I was way too full to even consider ordering dessert. The best part is that I saved half the meal to reheat for lunch today!

It's great to know that I can stick to this plan without having to completely give up all my favorite foods and eating at my favorite restaurants.

For those interested in improving problems with insulin resistance, metabolic disorder, PCOS, etc... I started my own experiment with a low glycemic diet recently, and promised other interested folks that I would blog information as I go.

Glycemic index (GI) is a ranking system for carbohydrates based on their effect on blood glucose levels. Carbohydrates that break down rapidly during digestion have the highest glycemic indices. Carbohydrates that break down slowly, releasing glucose gradually into the blood stream, have a low glycemic index. A lower glycemic index suggests slower rates of digestion and absorption of the sugars and starches in the foods. A lower glycemic response is often thought to equate to a lower insulin demand, better long-term blood glucose control and a reduction in blood lipids.

The glycemic effect of foods depends on a number of factors such as the type of starch, physical entrapment of the starch molecules within the food, fat and protein content of the food and organic acids or their salts in the meal — adding vinegar for example, will lower the GI. The presence of fat or soluble dietary fibre can slow the gastric emptying rate thus lowering the GI.

GI values are commonly interpreted as follows:
< 55 = Low GI
56-69 = Medium GI
> 70 = High GI

The glycemic index can only be applied to foods with a reasonable carbohydrate content, as the test relies on subjects consuming enough of the test food to yield about 50 g of available carbohydrate. Many fruits and vegetables (but not potatoes) contain very little carbohydrate per serving, or have very low GI values.  Alcoholic beverages have been reported to have low GI values, however it should be noted that beer has a moderate GI. Recent studies have shown that the consumption of an alcoholic drink prior to a meal reduces the GI of the meal by approximately 15%. (Good news for those of us who enjoy a glass of wine.)

There are  quite a few easy pocket/shoppers guides available that make shopping easier. Here is a link to an easy quick guide to low, medium, and high GI foods. http://www.the-gi-diet.org/glycemicindexchart/

I also highly recommend any of the New Glucose Revolution books, but especially The New Glucose Revolution: Low GI Eating Made Easy

The best news is that I have now found chocolate on the GI scale and it's a LOW GI food!!!! Who would have thought?

• You've considered letting your eyebrows grow longer and using them as a combover.
• You think the "Cynthia" doll on Rugrats resembles you on a good hair day
• Your friend with thick hair complains that it takes hours for her hair to dry... and you fantasize about where to hide her body.
• You've ever seriously wondered if they can transplant facial hair to your scalp.

I have been sitting here doing nothing about my hair loss for way too long now. After my last visit with the dermatologist when I was told that what I had was genetic and that there was basically no hope, I guess I just gave up. But now (thanks to my sisters in hair loss on this website) I have been inspired to do some online research into the cause of my hair loss and possible treatment options for me.

Over the last 20 years I have been tested for every possible hormone problem known to man (but what do men really know about “normal” hormone levels in a female?). Other than a slightly low testosterone level at one point, everything was always normal. I have never had problems with infertility (obviously), or with irregular menstrual cycles. My doctors have never hinted that I could have anything like PCOS (although I have had ultrasounds that have shown ovarian cysts). One doctor did mention that with my symptoms, it was possible that I might have metabolic syndrome. My last HbA1c level was borderline, and now I see that I should have paid more attention to that one.

From the research I have been doing I think that a low glycemic diet could possibly help me with my symptoms. I understand the whole insulin resistance theory and can see how it fits with what is going on with my body. I have read about the theory behind low glycemic index foods and I believe that it works.

The question is: Am I willing to give up potatoes and other high starch carbohydrates on the chance that I might grow back a little hair? I am your typical Irish decent American… I was raised eating potatoes, breads and other starchy foods every day. There were potatoes and a big plate of sliced white bread on our dinner table every night when I was growing up. Granted I have made a few healthy changes over the years. I now serve my family whole grain breads and try to decrease the amount of processed foods that we eat… but potatoes… SIGH… they are my favorites!  I love them cooked any way; baked, fried, boiled, broiled, with or without sauce… if it’s a potato I’ll eat it!

But the answer to the question is: Hell yeah!  I’ll do just about anything within reason to get even a small amount of hair back! So my plan is to do some shopping for some books and cookbooks on low glycemic index diets, read and learn as much as I can, clean out and restock my pantry, and commit myself to my own experiment for the next year. If it doesn’t work to grow hair, I can at least hope that it will work to help decrease the size of my butt!

Anybody out there want an unopened, extra large box of instant rice???

Will my daughters have to go through this too? I would hate to think that I have somehow passed this on to them and that someday they are going to start seeing clumps of hair wash down the drain. I would do anything to save them from this type of humiliation and embarrassment. I know that the chances are very good that someday they will have to go through this also.

I try not to be too self-conscious of my hair loss around them. If it does happen to them someday, I hope that they can think back and remember that their mother went through this without it completely devastating her life. I try so very hard not to let them see the tears or the depression. I also don't want them to think that I ever let this slow me down or keep me from participating in any activity that I really enjoy.

I have already noticed that my girls go through cycles of pretty heavy shedding. My 17 year-old daughter has the type of very thick, coarse, straight, shiny hair that any of the women on this website would envy. Sadly, she is the one who has already begun going through the worst shedding cycles. Sometimes when I clean their bathroom I want to cry when I see the hair lying on the floor. So far they still have so much hair and so much regrowth that the loss hasn't been noticeable. I just pray that it doesn't change for them the way it did for me.

So, for my daughters I’m going to go on with my life. I am not going to hide myself away from the world, or allow myself to wallow in self-pity (well, at least not in front of other people). I will continue to spend time outside where my scalp shines brighter than the sunlight (guess I'm going to have to find some really cute hats), and I refuse to give up swimming in outdoor pools or taking walks in the rain.