I have read many posts on the network related to the grief that we all experience when we realize that we are losing our hair. In nursing school we studied the stages of grief, but that was eighteen years ago and I know I need to refresh my memory. I also need to explore in my mind how these stages apply to hair loss, and use it to help me understand the emotions that I go through every day.

There are five stages of grief. If we get stuck in one stage, the process of grieving is incomplete and there can be no healing. A grieving person must work their way through all five stages in order to heal. There is no set period of time that it takes to complete each stage, it is entirely dependent on the individual and the level of grief. Most grieving people do not complete steps one through five and go on with life without occasionally sliding back a step or two along the way. How we each work through the grief that we are feeling differs, but the stages are the same with each person.

1. Denial- That feeling of "this can't be happening to me" that we all felt the first time we noticed clumps of hair in the drain. I still feel this one when I see a photo of myself in bright sunlight. "That's not MY hair"!

2. Anger- "Why me"? I think I have a tendency to reflect this emotion most on physicians and the medical community. Why is it so difficult to find a doctor who understands how devastating this is? Why does it take so long to find your way to someone who can tell you what is wrong? Why haven't they tried harder to find a solution to this? But there is also the anger I feel towards a society that can accept that a man with a shaved head is sexy, but a bald woman must be diseased.

3. Bargaining- Begging, wishing or praying for your hair to come back. Attempting to make deals with your "higher power". I know that I have tried to cut many deals with God regarding all the things in my life that I will change or give up if I can just get my "real" hair back.

4. Depression- Overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning, and loss. I think this one can be the easiest to slip back into. I fight it off as much as possible, but some days it's almost impossible to resist. I have read a lot of postings regarding the intense feelings of depression that many of us have experienced.

5. Acceptance- There is a difference between resignation and acceptance. Accepting the loss is not the same as bearing it quietly. Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss and finding comfort and healing is a sign of acceptance. The goals turn towards personal growth in this stage. Acceptance for hair loss sufferers might mean different things to different people. For one it may be finding a new treatment to regrow hair lost, for another person it could be coming to terms with the idea that while the hair may never be like it was before they can prevent further shed, and for someone else it might even be the realization that the best choice for them is to shave their head.

To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive...human. But we can't stop living because we are grieving. Allowing ourselves to work through this process is extremely important for our own mental well-being. Don't let others make you feel guilty for grieving this loss. No, it's not an illness that will take your life. But for many of us our hair loss is a terminal condition that we may deal with for the rest of our lives. Do you see yourself somewhere in the description of the five stages? The good news is that we are not alone in our feelings, emotions, and experiences. There are others here on the network who are experiencing the same grief. (Thanks again Y~ for such putting together such a great place for us to reach out!)