I understand completely when dreams start yelling back at us "stop waiting, do it!" Before I was willing to give in and see a derm about my rapidly thinning hair, I would have these dreams where I would run my hand through my hair...
I used to be a really outgoing person who never thought about how bad they looked, I just worked with what I had. Now I feel like the one thing that set me apart - my hair, is gone. I am a different me. I have become obsessed with hair. I can't stop thinking about mine. I feel older, between the thin hair and lots of new short gray hairs coming in. Not to mention that I now have it short and have now assumed my mom's short hairstyle, which I have disliked forever. I took my hair for granted and I regret it everyday.
The only good thing to come out of this is that I used to be more judgemental of other women's hair, as I took my then naturally healthy hair for granted. Now I understand what it is like to feel constantly judged, and I feel awful for the way I used to be.
About Me
About Me:
I am a 31 year old married woman who works in theatrical and live event production. I work 70 works a week, and sleep maybe 25. I have always been a somewhat vain person. My hair has always been my best feature and always my constant. I have taken it for granted my entire life. I gained weight after an illness (and laziness), I have gained wrinkles around my eyes (against my best efforts) and I gained low self esteem in the process. Yet my hair never let me down. It was always my best feature and sometimes my best physical friend.
Then about two years ago I decided I wanted to take my then mid-back length hair from light auburn to deep cranberry. I have been dying my hair all kinds of colors since I was 16. It has always taken it like a champ. This time the color was as dark as I liked and I went back and had my stylist dye it one more time to get it more saturated. That was like the kiss of death. Within a month my hair started to shed a ton. I was used to a bit of shedding, but my one glorious thick hair was thinning out by the brushfull. I went to see my dermatologist and she said my scalp seemed fine. I had lost about thirty pounds in the 6 months before I dyed my hair and she felt that my dieting had led to natural shedding. I had cut protein out of my diet and was paying the price for not balancing my nutrition.
I bought supplements and changed my diet again, while still trying to lose weight. I cut my wonderfully long hair to chin length and let the dye come out naturally. I thought maybe by cutting the weight of my thick hair, I would help lessen the strain on my scalp. It did help a bit and my hair seemed to slow it's shedding, but it had left a disaster in it's wake. My hair was now almost half it's natural density, it was a shell of its former self. I felt like I was wearing someone else's hair. I couldn't figure out how to style it., it never sat right after drying. I was miserable, but felt bad for feeling that way. My husband's ex-girlfriend KB had alopecia and had lost all of her hair. I remember seeing photos of her and wondering how she coped with it. She was beautiful totally bad, she had a gorgeous face. I didn't have that and feared what would happen if this shedding took a turn to bald.
I started obsessing about hair. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I made another appointment with the Dermatologist, but it was going to be a little over a month before she could see me. I started going online to different sites, to learn the difference between different scalp and follicle conditions. If I didn't have Alopecia (according to the Dr.), then I must have something else. My hair wasn't really getting any better and I couldn't just live like this. To me I either needed to grow some hair back or lose it all and start wearing wigs. It sounds stupid, but I come from a sports background where "all or nothing" has been drilled into me since I can remember.
I read about herbal options and dropped some serious cash at on a treatment I had read about that dealt with "reactional thinning" (Rene Furterer). Since the doctors felt that I was losing the hair due to quick weight loss and diet changes, it might help. I did the treatment (pre-wash tonic, shampoo and post-wash scalp treatment) for 3 months. It helped a bit, and my hair wasn't as dry and unmanageable as it used to be. However I wasn't showing any serious growth. I knew that is sometimes took months upon months for the regrowth to happen, but all I was getting was thin gray hairs with no staying power. I was still shedding and needed more help. I was 31 and my gray hair were starting to really become prominent. I couldn't dye my hair like I normally would, since I was terrified that I would lose what hair I had left. I finished the treatment out, but had become a bit of a loon when it came to hair. I would ride the train and analyze every woman's hair. I couldn't stop it. Finally one day I lost it and comtemplated shaving my head. I was alone, as my husband was out of town on business. I finally called my friend who came over and talked me down. I thank her everyday for it. Instead I took a xanax and decided to go see my mom's hairdresser, who worked a lot with women who were losing or had lost their hair. She reassured me that my hair seemed worse to me then it did to anyone looking at me. I was so used to the weight and feel off my thick and heavy hair. While it was noticable that my hair was thinning out, it wasn't as bad as it could be and I needed to remember that. There were women a lot worse off then me. She trimmed my hair into a style I could live with and I felt ready to go back into battle I was determined to keep trying.
So I bought another type of herbal treatment (this time Phyto), but this one was set as a more intensive treatment. I am now two weeks in and will be seeing my dermatologist again this week. I think I have some leads on what I may have (telogen effluvium). It isn't diagnosed yet, but after reading hundreds of pages of research and medical paperwork, it makes a lot of sense. My hair is still very thin and I hate taking showers because of the wad of hair in the drain. I am still trying to eat healthy and take supplements hoping it will get better. I used to feel like I was being punished for being so vein and taking my hair granted. Now I just hope that my hair will come back so I can take care of it. I miss is everyday, and I am trying to be positive for the future.
Thank you for your comments regarding my blog entry. Fear is a interesting phenomena in that it can prevent you from doing so many irrational things... I want to shed myself of those fears but as simple as the steps are (in this case starting a medication) the voices in my head can drown out the one sane voice encouraging me to confront it. In short I just have to do it... And I hope I can do so soon.
Best of luck with your new treatment. I hope something comes of it.
Hi. I am new to the site and I am totally hooked on reading what everyone has to say. I am 30 (31 on Wed.) so I can relate to your age... I feel like I am so young for this to be happening. I am scared of how bad it will be 10 years from now... 2 months from now. I have been told I have androgenetic alopecia, even though it all started with the birth of my second child. We all first thought it was hormone related, but Evan turned 2 in Jan. so that is a little too long of a time frame. I considered Telogen Effluvium, and I asked the Dermatologist about the difference. He said I had the "pattern" of thinner at the crown and hairline. That is true, that is where I first noticed it, but I am thinner all over. I used to have such thick, coarse hair that was curly and I hated it. Now I feel like I am being paid back.
Just wanted to say hi and that I can relate to you on many things. Hang in there... so will I.
Your profile picture is so cute ;-) Thanks for your comment about the TE.. mine also tends to begin growing back and then fall out again... damn stress! It's frustrating isn't it? Hope you're having a great week!
Thank you for reply and reaching out. I appreciate it so very much. It has been as you know a most uncomfortable and unpleasant thing to go through. I too wished for different hair to have hair like everyone else- straight or even less crazy curly. But now I too would be extremely happy to have what I had. I now say to myself on bad hair days- at least I have what I have for now and I hope I can hang on to this for a little while longer. I look forward to my inner growth and that I can still feel confident and strong while I parent my boys and guide them through childhood. I need to be strong for me and for them. I thank you again for sharing your info with me and thank you for reaching out. Love your pic!
That gesture you made to the woman in the derm's office was a wonderful thing! It is interesting how horribel circumstances makes one develop more empathy and compassion!
Hi Mercedes, I'm so happy to hear The Women's Hair Loss Project has been of some comfort to you. It always makes me happy to hear that feedback from women because I feel like my own hair loss and all my suffering had some kind purpose...to help other women. So thank you.
Hi! Happy belated birthday! You are a day older than me...my b-day is Dec. 15, 1976...I always hated the combined birthday/christmas gifts as a child and always wanted a birthday in July.
I think I am going to start going backwards in age since the older I get the more problems I have!!
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