So I haven't been on here in months.  I think when I left I was "hopeful"  ... I was trying to get on with it (life) already, not let the hair loss stop me from living.  I'm a jerk though. I was hiding.  I wasn't hopeful, I was in DENIAL!!!!!!!!!!!   My latest breakdown (crying , a little bit of screaming in the shower this morning) is evidence of it.

I took my class to learn to ride a motorcycle, guess what Ladies..... I thought this was going to make me feel freedom from this issue that has consumed me.  Oh no no no!  Think about it, HELMETS!!!!!!!  Nuff said. 

Oh yeah, and I joined a gym, great idea right!?!  I mean, if I can't control my hair, I can control my body.  I have a personal trainer who asked me why I always wear a baseball cap....  so now I am working out, constantly wondering if people notice that I am the only woman with a damn hat on.  and every so often I try to workout without the cap on..... oh my god, why am I so consumed.  why won't it just stop falling out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to a new butthead doctor, finally decided that I just want to go back on BC, Yasmin, maybe this is going to help, heck maybe it will just make all my hair fall out FINALLY , just get it over with...., this slow process is agonizing!!!!!!!!!!!!!  So two doctors with an attitude telling me that BC is not the reason. THEN WHY IS MY HAIR FALLING OUT THEN!!?!?!??!?!?  They all say, go on rogaine, but that isn't going to solve it.  What is wrong with me that my hair keeps falling out.  Why won't it stop falling out!!!!!?!?!? 

I guess I am going to buy rogaine, I can't keep waiting for something to change, I feel like I have lost so much time just feeling like I have been in denial that this will stop on its own.  I don't have hardly enough hair to cover the sides any more.  I don't have enough hair to be held properly by my stupid hair clips.  the clips fall loose.  when my hair is wet, well nevermind , the only thing it's good for, if I dressed up as a skeleton bride (today for halloween) , you know she has a few long strands covering that white scalp...  yup

This sucks.