I wanted to share with you guys some trippy experiences from my therapy sessions that appear to be helping me calm down. (At least sometimes). :0

Last week, my therapist had me sit and close my eyes and think about a very relaxing vacation. She then gave me these little buzzers, one in each hand. They would pulsate alternately. She told me they were meant to help focus on the right brain and the left brain so my mind wouldn't wander away from what I was supposed to be doing.  Doing that is apparently supposed to quell the critical part of my brain that normally would be saying stuff like "This is so dumb. I can't believe i'm even buying into this." Anyway, for about 40 minutes, she walked me through a visualization process in which she guided me through describing relaxing and calming moments (these work best in nature, she said.)  At the end, she asked me for a key word that would help me bring back that experience. I chose the word "butterfly." So, the idea now is for me to be able to simulate that experience of relaxation by saying the word butterfly. I know this sounds really bizarre and new agey and stuff and there's a bit more to it, but it really did work...

Yesterday, I cried during most of our 45 min session. She basically had me relive a traumatic experience associated with my hair loss. For me, it was after I'd had surgery for skin cancer and the dumb doc put a bandage around the back of my head. Of course, when my husband cut it off, a bunch of my hair came off too. She practices a technique called EMDR, which says that our eyes react differently during moments of trauma.  Anyway, as I was "reliving" this moment and the moments after that, my eyelids were going crazy, just fluttering wildly. It was the weirdest thing. At the end of this session, she asked me to visualize a container of some kind and to imagine putting all the crappy feelings inside that container, sealing it up and dumping it in the bottom of the ocean. She said I might feel weepy this week and not know why, but to make a note if that happens, and we'll talk about it next week.

It was interesting to me some of the things that I said during this process. I told her I was tired of living like this, that I just wanted to be free of the hold this thing has over me, and that I don't know why I care so much about what other people think of me.

I feel like I'm making progress toward acceptance and just living with this. At this point, I really don't think I have a choice. I don't want to live the rest of my life obsessing about my hair.  It's hard, though... Sigh....

:) - Lisa